Middle-earth Weather Channel Confirms: Mordor Sees Unexpected Snowfall, Sauron Calls It “A Minor Setback
In a surprising twist of climatic events, the usually scorching realm of Mordor experienced its first-ever snowfall this week, covering the dark plains and even the slopes of Mount Doom with a delicate layer of snow. Local dark lord and realm manager, Sauron, has dismissed the occurrence as “a minor setback” in his summer darkening scheme.
**Entertainment Tonight in Middle-earth: Hobbiton Announces “Bilbo’s Day Out,” A Reality Show Featuring Daily Hobbit Adventures**
Hobbiton is set to launch a new reality show titled “Bilbo’s Day Out,” which will follow the daily antics of various hobbits as they navigate through second breakfasts, unexpected journeys, and the occasional ring-finding mishap. The show promises to bring a new level of excitement to Shire evenings, with special guest appearances by Gandalf the Grey ensuring ratings will go through the roof.
**Sports Update: Gondor Knights Suffer Humiliating Defeat in Annual Minas Tirith Jousting Tournament, Blame Too Much Lembas Consumption**
The Gondor Knights faced an unexpected defeat at the hands of the Rohan Riders during the prestigious Minas Tirith Jousting Tournament. Team captain Boromir cited “excessive lembas bread consumption” as the reason for their sluggish performance, stating, “One does not simply walk into a joust full of lembas.”
**Economic News: Rivendell’s Tourism Board Launches “Elven Retreats” Amid Falling Starlight Levels**
Rivendell’s tourism sector is taking innovative steps to boost its economy by introducing “Elven Retreats,” luxurious getaways promising relaxation, rejuvenation, and “less Sauron, more star-gazing.” This comes after reports of diminishing starlight levels in the area, which local experts attribute to “an unfortunate increase in cloud cover, not at all related to any dark lords.”
